I keep doing, and so feeling, like I'm so very different from everybody else,

but I've learned how to communicate,

to some extent,

the "love languages" and being sexy and smart and empathic, how the fuck do I keep all these balls in the air,

because I love every ball, I love every fucking ball!

[compassion was my #1 core value]

My #1 core value is compassion, but WTF it doesn't get along with the others,

My basket of Russian large caps was down another 33% today, the small caps were down 8%. The basket makers announced today that they won't be able to issue any more baskets because they are unable to acquire more of the underlying shares -- the Moscow Stock Exchange was still closed, and many other stock exchanges have suspended trading in Russian ( Read more... )

Has been a ... week ... since K left ... (not a Wild Week, heh) ... but I'm OK.  It's weird how my complex grief is turning into proprietary chores at the condo and music therapy, but, it's OK.  I'm fine.

-----

I feel like the best part of my job is when I'm giving advice to people 20 years younger than me.  They call that wisdom, I guess?  Yesterday ( Read more... )

Probably the combo of processing some "K's move" feelings and allowing myself orgasms on Sunday, nothing much seemed interesting today, didn't want to accomplish anything at work, quit work early to have a beer and play a video game.  I did run this morning, and did my abs workout, and did some chores, so I'm not just sitting around like a lump.  T ( Read more... )

I'd thought the "K moved away" emotions would hit me hardest after two or three weeks went by, because during Quarantine we've only seen each other once every week or two on average, and maybe they still will hit me hardest then, but I was surprised by the strength of the emotions I felt within 24-48 hours of our final pre-move visit on Friday ( Read more... )

The past few overnights I asked K to push in the #4 butt toy after I'd warmed up, and he did, very well -- I should write a novel or something about how he'd come over, and I'd be in a jock strap, watching porn, listening to music, playing with butt toys, and he'd sit on the sofa, and we'd talk for hours.  He'd just hang out, while I watched porn, ( Read more... )

Now that K has left the condo, but the night is still young, how about I sit for 30 minutes after all.  Let's use this new superpower of mine in the face of this complex grief.  He's still in my life, but now he's physically distant.  I'll be OK, but my life is changing -- and his is changing way more, for the better.

And, WTF, I should definitely ( Read more... )

Sounds like K is now very busy packing the apartment for a Saturday departure, so I doubt I will see him in person again before he and his family drive away.  That's OK, we had our final overnight last weekend.  Also sounds like he and his family will be staying at the condo on Friday night after packing stuff, so I will not have a Night to Self at ( Read more... )